Portia and I have been married for 4 years and they have been the happiest of my life. And in those 4 years, I don't think we hurt anyone else's marriage. I asked all of my neighbors and they say they're fine

Why can't rappers just say nice things? Like I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice.

I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are.

I know that experts say you're more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn't make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.

Procrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.

Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.