Puzzle pieces don't always connect do they?

I hide hurt behind a fake smile. I wear it all the time. Everyone says how I always look so cheerful. Shows what they know I guess.

Even without them touching me, I feel dirty about what I do. Alex does even filthier things but says it all washes off with soap. I don’t believe that. I think it all leaves stains. Indelible stains.

As I thought about that, I had to wonder: What will we know better about tomorrow? Who cares? Hindsight is useless.

Always before, I just said no, left it solidly there. I waver now. I want to share everything with him. Want to know what he knows, feel what he feels, share the same space he's in.

I wanted to meet the monster. Why go down if you can go up?

Have to Find ...life ...is ...a— ...gamble ...after ...all.