It's not funny at all that we do all that advertising for children. Why is advertising for children allowed? What possible reason can there be for having those effing adverts on TV for all this crap that's made by poor people in poor countries that we sell our children who have too much?

I present the nominees, well, not me the Voice of God, for Best Screenplay.

Lindsay Doran goes round the table and introduces everyone - making it clear that I am present in the capacity of writer rather than actress, therefore no one has to be too nice to me.

I think people say you shouldn't work with children or animals, but you must only work with children.

Don't ever go on a diet. Just don't. Walk away. Diets are the spawn of Satan.

I ask Laurie it it's possible to get trained fish. Lindsay says this is how we know I've never produced a movie.

Sometimes I get to put on posh frocks and be Madam Glamour, the vendor of my wares. My lovely friend Kath, a stylist, puts me into things I'd never dream of. But my real life is very different. It's very, very home-based - an intense domestic life, that's the core of everything.