Careful, Mr. Spiro, guns are dangerous. Especially the end with the hole.

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

How was your... eh... trip?" Artemis felt the sting of tears in his own eyes. "Um, eventful.

Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?

(about Dr. Po) Just another quack spouting psychobabble.

Don’t feel bad; I regularly reduce people to unintelligible stammers.

Everything rests on the poisoned wine. If it were just the queen, I could force it down her gullet, but Declan Broekhart would run me through with that damned ceremonial sword, and if his wife's stares were daggers, he'd be dead already.