I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

I asked my publisher what would happen if he sold all the copies of my book he'd printed. He said 'I'll just print another ten'.

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

I'm proud of being a vaudevillian, the last of my line. A lot of people think my entertainment is candy-floss. Well, entertainment is too aggressive these days, all 'in your face.'