Even though I'm resting I'm accomplishing something by sewing that shirt that I've been meaning to sew for weeks. And it's relaxing. It's so very meditative and quiet and enjoyable. But at least I'm producing something. I'm being productive in some way. I have a very hard time being completely idle.

I tended to be a solitary young girl, and I still am. I would like to find a quiet corner and color in my coloring book. When I think back, I made that corner mine, not really caring about the rest of the house.

For me there's a need for balance - fulfilling the sensitive side, letting my guard down, holding back the warrior in me. And I have to be vulnerable which is very hard for me to do.

I cried myself to sleep wishing I was ugly because men leered and disrespected me.

I cried myself to sleep wishing I was ugly because men leered and disrespected me, because they assumed things about my mental capacity or my physical willingness based on the way I look.

I felt like I was a good woman, a good person. But I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression, because my soul wasn't living. I was purposely holding down my soul and my spirit. It was dying inside of me.

When I was young I was soft spoken and a little bit timid and passive. My dream then was to be a ballerina or a figure skater - something very delicate.