The first beginnings of wisdom...is to ask questions but never to answer any.

My father...was a man who understood all dogs thoroughly and treated them like human beings.

When things go wrong and will not come right, Though you do the best you can, When life looks black as the hour of night, A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.

A woman doesn't care if she hasn't a stomach, provided she looks as if she hasn't.

He went home one evening and drank three cups of tea with three lumps of sugar in each cup, cut his jugular with a razor three times and scrawled on a photograph of his wife with his dying hand goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Another day gone and no jokes.

I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.