One of the goals of analysis is you become your own analyst. You continue the process even if you're not in therapy, whether you continue the process by walking down the street thinking about things or whether you continue the process, as I do, by writing about them.

It is a capital insult in this country not to make love to a naked woman, even if she is related to you.

If you read only one memoir by a disaffected, urban, 20-something Jewish girl this year, make it this one. Shukert rocks the lulav.

People always write on my Facebook that they've seen somebody they thought was me on the subway, and I was cursing badly.

Forget the fountain of youth, pal of mine. You can live to be a thousand, and it won't matter. Mediocrities like you deserve immortality.

By reading this message you are denying its existence and implying consent.

America should treasure its rare, true original voices and Mark Leyner is one of them. So treasure him already, you bastards!