I realize it’s not just Willem I’m looking for; it’s Lulu too.

I realize now that dying is easy. Living is hard.

The whole night had been a mistake. It's not going to let me rewind. Or unmake the mistakes I've made.Or the promises I've mad. Or have her back. Or have me back.

Can you move on from something when you're not sure what it is you're moving on from?

Someone wake me when it's over When the evening silence softens golden Just lay me on bed of dover Oh, I need help with this burden "Hush

But I'd do it again. I know that now. I'd make that promise a thousand times over and lose her a thousand times over to have heard her play last night or to see her in the morning sunlight. Or even without that. Just to know that she's somewhere out there. Alive.

I`m surrounded by people and feel alone.