Whenever he composes a critical review, I have been told, he gets an enormous erection.

Theologians always try to turn the Bible into a book without common sense.

An hour-glass is a reminder not only of time's quick flight, but also of the dust to which we must at last return

He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage - he won't encounter many rivals.

Some people come by the name of genius in the same way that certain insects come by the name of centipede -- not because they have a hundred feet, but because most people can't count above 14.

A good method of discovery is to imagine certain members of a system removed and then see how what is left would behave: for example, where would we be if iron were absent from the world: this is an old example.

The great trick of regarding small departures from the truth as the truth itself - on which is founded the entire integral calculus - is also the basis of our witty speculations, where the whole thing would often collapse if we considered the departures with philosophical rigour.