Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

My friend, when a man has anything to tell in this world, the difficulty is not to make him tell it, but to prevent him from telling it too often.

A man never tells you anything until you contradict him.

A socialist is somebody who doesn't have anything, and is ready to divide it up equally among everybody.

Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity, and fashion will drive them to acquire any custom.

The schoolmaster is the person who takes the children off the parents' hands for a consideration. That is to say, he establishes a child prison, engages a number of employee schoolmasters as turnkeys, and covers up the essential cruelty and unnaturalness of the situation by torturing the children if they do not learn, and calling this process, which is within the capacity of any fool or blackguard, by the sacred name of Teaching.

Marriage is to me apostasy, profanation of the sanctuary of my soul, violation of my manhood, sale of my birthright, shameful surrender, ignominious capitulation, acceptance of defeat.