Reminiscences make one feel so deliciously aged and sad.

The joy in life is to be used for a purpose. I want to be used up when I die.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

Marriage is to me apostasy, profanation of the sanctuary of my soul, violation of my manhood, sale of my birthright, shameful surrender, ignominious capitulation, acceptance of defeat.

It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.

It is a monstrous thing to force a child to learn Latin or Greek or mathematics on the ground that they are an indispensable gymnastic for the mental powers. It would be monstrous even if it were true.

If the announcer can produce the impression that he is a gentleman, he may pronounce as he pleases.