Titles distinguish the mediocre, embarrass the superior, and are disgraced by the inferior.

The educated man is a greater nuisance than the uneducated one.

It's all that the young can do for the old, to shock them and keep them up to date.

Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous.

You propound a complicated arithmetical problem: say cubing a number containing four digits. Give me a slate and half an hour's time, and I can produce a wrong answer.

The great secret, Eliza, is not having bad manners or good manners or any other particular sort of manners, but having the same manner for all human souls: in short, behaving as if you were in Heaven, where there are no thirdclass carriages, and one soul is as good as another.

A man's own self is the last person to believe in him, and is harder to cheat than the rest of the world.