The word morality, if we met it in the Bible, would surprise us as much as the word telephone or motor car.

I find that socialism is often misunderstood by its least intelligent supporters and opponents to mean simply unrestrained indulgence of our natural propensity to heave bricks at respectable persons.

You don't expect me to know what to say about a play when I don't know who the author is, do you? . . . If it's by a good author, it's a good play, naturally. That stands to reason.

An election is a moral horror, as bad as a battle except for the blood; a mud bath for every soul concerned in it.

Without music we shall surely perish of drink, morphia, and all sorts of artificial exaggerations of the cruder delights of the senses.

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.