I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.

I prefer my Mexican food to have a little bit of an animal that suffered a little bit. That's some of the best food.

A Dodger uniform just doesn't look good with a cummerbund.

I can never do nothing in this house!

We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts.

I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Freddie Prinze, George Carlin and all.

When I first heard about Beverly Hills Chihuahua, I thought, no. This, this is ridiculous. And then you read the script and you close the script and you go, "They aren't going to be able to do that with real dogs. How are they going to do that?" You're going to see the strings. But they did.