I had a bumper sticker on my car for a long time that said, "Kill your television." People helpfully pointed out that I was a total fraud because I was a television writer.

I'm a pessimist, but I have many painstakingly applied coats of optimism.

I have nothing but respect for the purist who won't work for the pharaoh. But I'm not that strong.

Men often struggle with their attraction to other women. They don't quite understand why they have to be with the same woman forever.

Every joke can't be dazzling. And if you think you spotted an inconsistency, you did!

For me, marriage is a grotesque, unforgiving, clunky contrivance. Yet society pushes it as a shimmering ideal.

I prefer to linger on the periphery before making a commitment.