Love should require both partners to be their very best at all times
A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort.
Don't be discouraged - every relationship you have is a failure, until you find the right one.
I think there is something very relatable in the idea that you hit a certain age, later in your life, where you realize you have to pick up the rug and see what's underneath it and deal with stuff.
To pretend to be calm is to be calm, in a way.
I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way.