Man, sometimes God really sucks.

I would like a practical president, but I would like to be able to have his practicality based on principles, and not just who - I mean the room with.

I'm a little of everything, a concerned dad, faith-based guy, businessman, entertainer and journalist. I don't have formal training as a journalist, but I think that works to my advantage.

You can get rich making fun of me. I know. I've made lots of money making fun of me.

America comes with both rights and responsibilities. You have, for example, the right to free speech, but you have the responsibility to not yell 'fire' in a crowded theater. If you don't live up to that responsibility, you face certain consequences. It's a simple but effective formula. Unfortunately, tenured professors are completely insulated from it. They can scream fire in their classrooms all they want - and then hide behind their tenure if anyone questions them on it.

Whoever thought a tiny candy bar should be called fun size was a moron.

Some people thinks that I'm the Antichrist, which would be a really good disguise for the Antichrist. You'd never see a pudgy, out-of-shape guy, 5 o'clock in the afternoon, being the Antichrist, would you?