America's religion, this is it, gang. This is all you need to know: There is a God. He is going to judge us. We should be good to each other, because daddy is going to be pissed in the end if we're not. That's it. That's called a big principle.

Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however.

Sometimes our strengths are also our weaknesses. Sometimes to be strong you have to first be weak. You have to share your burdens; you have to lean on other people while you face your problems and yourself.

I told you, God is not coy. He's more likely to hit you across the forehead with a two-by-four than whisper in your ear

It's a real blessing for me to tell you, sir, that calvary has arrived - Fox is here!

So we went on what we now call "The Beck Family Church Tour" and man did we see some churches.

Following the herd is fine, until they all run off the side of a cliff together.