I do not much care for nature, and believe that flowers belong in vases rather than loose and untidy on the ground.

Little Bush says we are at war, but we are not at war because to be at war Congress has to vote for it. He says we are at war on terror, but that is a metaphor, though I doubt if he knows what that means. It's like having a war on dandruff, it's endless and pointless.

Somebody has to keep score and I decided I was going to do it. I'm a born score-keeper and I realize, like an umpire, that my decisions may cause distress.

Everything's wrong on Wikipedia.

Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age.

Never have varmints, only grandvarmints.

Everybody has two legs, two lobes to the brain which is why we tend to be interested in symmetry, always balancing things.