To a man, ornithologists are tall, slender, and bearded so that they can stand motionless for hours, imitating kindly trees, as they watch for birds.

How marvelous books are, crossing worlds and centuries, defeating ignorance and, finally, cruel time itself.

I am glad my life is coming to an end. To think that it might last another five hundred years, now that would be terrible, in my case.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

What we are is seldom what we want to be, while what we want to be is either denied us or changes with the seasons.

Because there is no cosmic point to the life that each of us perceives on this distant bit of dust at galaxy's edge, all the more reason for us to maintain in proper balance what we have here. Because there is nothing else. Nothing. This is it. And quite enough, all in all.

When you are brought up in a zoo, you know what's going on in the monkey house. You see a couple of monkeys loose and one is President and one is Vice President, you know it's trouble. Monkeys make trouble.