If God had meant us to go metric, why did he give Christ twelve apostles?

As a politician, you only meet two types of people. People with problems, and people who are right.

Gazing at the typewriter in moments of desperation I console myself with three thoughts. Alcohol at six, dinner at eight, and to be immortal you've got to be dead.

He loved what he did, he loved being on Countdown - he just loved life

Praise makes me humble, but when I am abused, I know that I have touched the stars.

In the Members' Dining Room, the Conservatives eat at one end, the Labour Party at the other, while the Liberals wait at table.

John Major. He dresses so well. And so quickly.