A wealthy man is one who earns $100 a year more than his wife's sister's husband.

It seems to me that you are better off, as a writer and as an American, in a small town than you'd be in New York. I thoroughly detest New York, though I have to go there very often.... Have you ever noticed that no American writer of any consequence lives in Manhattan? Dreiser tried it (after many years in the Bronx), but finally moved to California.

Journalism is to politician as dog is to lamp-post.

If x is the population of the United States and y is the degree of imbecility of the average American, then democracy is the theory that x times y is less than y

That it should still be necessary, at this late stage in the senility of the human race to argue that women have a fine and fluent intelligence is surely an eloquent proof of the defective observation, incurable prejudice, and general imbecility of their lords and masters.

The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.

When I mount the scaffold at last these will be my farewell words to the sheriff: Say what you will against me when I am gone, but don't forget to add, in common justice, that I was never converted to anything.