If x is the population of the United States and y is the degree of imbecility of the average American, then democracy is the theory that x times y is less than y

Haste is of the devil. Slowness is of God.

Progress: The process whereby the human race has got rid of whiskers, the vermiform appendix and God.

Religion is a conceited effort to deny the most obvious realities.

I believe in only one thing and that thing is human liberty.

How to Drink Like a Gentleman: The Things to Do and the Things Not To, as Learned in 30 Years' Extensive Research.

Hamlet has been played by 5,000 actors, no wonder he is crazy.