If x is the population of the United States and y is the degree of imbecility of the average American, then democracy is the theory that x times y is less than y

What is the function that a clergyman performs in the world? Answer: He gets his living by assuring idiots that he can save them from an imaginary hell.

The Gettysburg Adress has been included, of late, in several anthologies of poetry. It actually meets the major requirement of all poetry: It is a mellifluous and emotional statement of the obviously not true. The men who fought for self-determination at Gettysburg were not the Federals but the Confederates.

Great artists are modest almost as seldom as they are faithful to their wives.

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness room to develop

The Jews fastened their religion upon the Western world, not because it was more reasonable than the religions of their contemporaries - as a matter of fact, it was vastly less reasonable than many of them - but because it was far more poetical.

The intelligent, like the unintelligent, are responsive to propaganda.