In the main, there are two sorts of books: those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.

The longest sentence you can form with two words is: I do.

America's biggest failure is its inability to take comedy seriously.

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.

It is a peculiarity of the American mind that it regards any excursion into the truth as an adventure into cynicism.

There is no idea so stupid that you can't find a professor who will believe it.

Liberty is of small value to the lower third of humanity. They greatly prefer security, which means protection by some class above them. They are always in favor of despots who promise to feed them. The only liberty an inferior man really cherishes is the liberty to quit work, stretch out in the sun, and scratch himself.