The only really respectable Protestants are the fundamentalists. Unfortunately, they are also palpable idiots.

There is only one justification for having sinned, and that is to be glad of it.

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.... A man full of faith is simply one who has lost (or never had) the capacity for clear and realistic thought. He is not a mere ass: he is actually ill.

Voting is simply a way of determining which side is the stronger without putting it to the test of fighting.

The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.

I know of no human being who has a better time than an eager and energetic young reporter.

Life may not be exactly pleasant, but it is at least not dull. Heave yourself into Hell today, and you may miss, tomorrow or next day, another Scopes trial, or another War to End War, or perchance a rich and buxom widow with all her first husband's clothes. There are always more Hardings hatching. I advocate hanging on as long as possible.