Perhaps the most revolting character that the United States ever produced was the Christian Businessman.

To believe that Russia has got rid of the evils of capitalism takes a special kind of mind. It is the same kind of mind that believes that a Holy Roller has got rid of sin.

Jealousy is a keen observer, but looks for all the wrong signs.

Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

All that the Y.M.C.A.'s horse and rings really accomplished was to fill me with an ineradicable distaste, not only for Christian endeavor in all its forms, but also for every variety of calisthenics, so that I still begrudge the trifling exertion needed to climb in and out of a bathtub, and hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. If I had my way no man guilty of golf would be eligible to any office of trust or profit under the United States, and all female athletes would be shipped to the white-slave corrals of the Argentine.

Voting is simply a way of determining which side is the stronger without putting it to the test of fighting.

The only liberty an inferior man really cherishes is the liberty to quit work, stretch out in the sun, and scratch himself.