What is the professor's function? To pass on to numskulls a body of so-called knowledge that is fragmentary, unimportant, and largely untrue.

Chopin--Two embalmers at work upon a minor poetthe scent of tuberosesAutumn rain.

Politics, as hopeful men practise it in the world, consists mainly of the delusion that a change in form is a change in substance.

Skin diseases are something doctors like, the patient neither dies nor gets well.

Once a woman passes a certain point in intelligence she finds it almost impossible to get a husband: she simply cannot go on listening without snickering.

The function of a newspaper in a democracy is to stand as a sort of chronic opposition to the reigning quacks. The minute it begins to out-whoop them it forfeits its character and becomes ridiculous.

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.