Sunday is a day given over by Americans to wishing that the themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.

Women hate revolutions and revolutionists. They like men who are docile, and well-regarded at the bank, and never late at meals.

The best client is a scared millionaire.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.

Suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives.

People do not expect to find chastity in a whorehouse. Why, then, do they expect to find honesty and humanity in government, a congeries of institutions whose modus operandi consists of lying, cheating, stealing, and if need be, murdering those who resist?