I bartended for a catering company for two or three years...

Women are, in general, less shallow visually. If their man gains 10, 20 pounds, they don't care as much. But I've been with women over the years when my weight fluctuated, and they're definitely more interested physically when I am in really great shape.

Literally, I see my writing as transcription - a transcription of what I see, hear, think, live.

I say with pride that I've done over a hundred voices or something, and some of them may have only had two or three lines, but I literally never ran out. I think I'm a bit of a savant that way. I kind of remember every voice I hear, famous or otherwise, and can imitate it pretty fast. I've enjoyed mimicking people famous and not famous all through my life, and they kind of remain in the memory banks, so I'm ready to trot them out.

Once someone is in your family orbit, there's a mutual responsibility, and whatever happens to them happens to you.

It's always impressive when talented comedians are easy laughers or generous with their laughs.

I did a lot of theater in college, and I knew that not many people make it, but I just figured, 'Well, I really want to try acting while I'm young, and I don't ever want to look back and say that I never gave it a try.' I fully figured I'd be back in grad school - probably for psychology.