Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't. They'll make you look like chopped liver.

The world is turning into a cesspool of imbeciles.

The real story of our times is seldom told in the horse-puckey-filled memoirs of dopey, self-serving presidents or generals, but in the outrageous, demented lives of guys like Lenny Bruce, Giordano Bruno, Scott Fitzgerald - and Paul Krassner. The burrs under society's saddle. The pains in the ass.

When you're all alone out there, on the end of the typewriter, with each new story a new appraisal by the world of whether you can still get it up or not, arrogance and self-esteem and deep breathing are all you have. It often looks like egomania. I assure you it's the bold coverup of the absolutely terrified.

If you let the image of the messenger get in the way of whatever message there may be, however large or small, that's your problem, not his.

I will live to piss in the open mouths or the open graves of my enemies, whichever comes first.

I am responsible for myself. I am exactly who I eventually wanted myself to be, I guess, without consciously knowing what I wanted me to be.