I tell myself it's a virtue, my failure to sleep in my own house, or at all. I tell myself that I spend more hours than most people aware that I am alive, and that over a lifetime this adds up to more living, more aliveness. I am more alive than the rest of my family. Which is my greatest night fear. Which is why I hunt. I don't ever want to be more alive than they are.
Heidi JulavitsI calmed myself by walking into my nearby bookstore and marveling at all the books other people had written. So many people had finished and published novels; it couldnโt be so hard, right?
Heidi JulavitsIf I can just stop being so stressed out, maybe my cancer will get better! This is far less scary than treating a disease of unknown etiology.
Heidi Julavits