I do tend to feel more connected to dead writers, perhaps because they have finished their work.
I wish there was someone I could have written to after that, someone I could have written to explain how awful it was to have someone touch you, then look at you properly and change his mind.
Would that be dangerous, to not look while being looked at?
I feel like an old lady; my hero is Miss Marple.
I think, basically, what I'm good for is reading - a lot.
It occurred to me that I was unhappy. And it didnโt feel so very terrible. No urgency, nothing. I could slip out of my life on a slow wave like thisโit didnโt matter. I donโt have to be happy. All I have to do is hold on to something and wait.