It is hard to repent, to admit you are wrong on faith alone before the evidence of a feeling of being forgiven and light comes.
Only God knows hearts, and so only He can say, in truth, “I know how you feel.”
We need continuing communication from god. One stream of light is not enough.
There is joy guaranteed for the faithful.
Although his time is not always our time, we can be sure that the lord keeps his promises.
This is the Church of Jesus Christ, and He leads it. No assignment in it need ever overwhelm you if you know that and listen for the Master's voice.