I regard the writing of humor as a supreme artistic challenge.

The Navy is a master plan designed by geniuses for execution by idiots. If you are not an idiot, but find yourself in the Navy, you can only operate well by pretending to be one. All the shortcuts and economies and common-sense changes that your native intelligence suggests to you are mistakes. Learn to quash them. Constantly ask yourself, "How would I do this if I were a fool?" Throttle down your mind to a crawl. Then you will never go wrong.

A leader can't dash ahead around the bend out of sight.

Strange, isn't it, that warfare has come down to fencing with complicated toys that only a few seedy scholars can make or understand.

I try to write a certain amount each day, five days a week. A rule sometimes broken is better than no rule.

Illusion is an anodyne, bred by the gap between wish and reality.

The American people are not cowardly. But, living in prosperous isolation, they have been the spoiled children of modern history.