Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So use it and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay. Eternal happiness is just a dollar away.

There is no greater glory that can befall a man that what he achieves with the speed of his feet or the strength of his hands.

Nothing shall I, while sane, compare with a friend.

If you are one of earth’s inhabitants, how blest your father, and your gentle mother, blest all your kin. I know what happiness must send the warm tears to their eyes, each time they see their wondrous child go to the dancing! But one man’s destiny is more than blest—he who prevails, and takes you as his bride. Never have I laid eyes on equal beauty in man or woman. I am hushed indeed.

A gun is not a weapon! It's a tool, like a butcher's knife, or a harpoon, or an alligator.

Clanless, lawless, homeless is he who is in love with civil war, that brutal ferocious thing.

The fates have given mankind a patient soul.