If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.

When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong! And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

I detest the man who hides on thing in the depths of his heart and speaks forth another.

I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?

Once you go Vatican, you never go back again.

Canada? Why would I want to leave America just to visit America, Jr.?