If your reaction to your partner's fear-or any other form of distress- is disdain or irritation, you do not want oneness or even friendship with your partner at that moment.

Whenever I find myself arguing for something with great passion, I can be certain I'm not convinced.

An argument is always about what has been made more important than the relationship.

Fears, indecision, and frustration feed on words. Without words they usually stop. . . . Words are at times good for looking back, but they are confining when I need to act in the present.

Unless I accept my faults, I will most certainly doubt my virtues.

Sometimes when I generalize, I am saying, 'Let's pretend I am God,' and of course the other person argues that point endlessly. But I notice that if the other person takes a stand for himself and states his thoughts as his thoughts, I pay more attention to what he is saying and look deeper in myself.

'Fault' means failure to meet a standard. Whose? Mine.