Comedy, we may say, is society protecting itself - with a smile.

Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes.

In a matriarchy men should be encouraged to take it easy, for most women prefer live husbands to blocks of shares and seats on the board.

We must beware the revenge of the starved senses, the embittered animal in its prison.

There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age, I missed it coming and going.

What a grand, higgledy-piggledy, sensible old place Norwich is!

A novelist who writes nothing for 10 years finds his reputation rising. Because I keep on producing books they say there must be something wrong with this fellow.