Life is very marvelous... and to the wonders of the earth there is no end appointed.

Why is the King of Hearts the only one that hasn't a moustache?

There is no escaping, at times, the gloomy suspicion that fiddling with pens and ink is, after all, no fit employment for a grown man.

Creeds matter very little... The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. So I elect for neither label.

People marry through a variety of other reasons, and with varying results: but to marry for love is to invite inevitable tragedy.

The only way of rendering life endurable is to drink as much wine as one can come by.

The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees a train entering the tunnel, the pessimist sees a train speeding at him, hell for leather, and the machinist sees three idiots sitting on the rail track. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true."