What's the difference between sex and love? I have four wives and five kids. I apparently don't know the difference.

You're the only one who's closing your eyes at night. There's no one else who can do it for you.

No matter what heights you achieve, even if you're Brad Pitt, the slide is coming, sure as death and taxes.

My kid was a great baseball player. I thought I had it made. Front-row seats at Yankee Stadium. Then he turned sixteen and wanted to be a rapper.

I went to a shrink once, but I caught him going to a fortune-teller so I quit.

Someone's always saying, "It's not whether you win or lose," but if you feel that way, you're as good as dead.

I don't think silicone makes a girl good or bad.