I don't like sleeping in a bed.

Everyone pretends to be normal and be your best friend, but underneath, everyone is living some other life you don't know about, and if only we had a camera on us at all times, we could go and watch each other's tapes and find out what each of us was really like.

I worked at a McDonald's drive-through. I could always tell when girls were interested: They'd drive around again and say, "I forgot something."

Sometimes I get a little sad, and I feel like being alone. Then I talk to my cat about it, and he reminds me I’m James Franco. Then we dance.

I don't have many hobbies. If I think of hobbies, maybe ping pong. But I don't have a desire to get a ping pong medal.

For some reason, when I was in junior high school, my friends and I had, like, a cologne-stealing ring.

I don't even like to sleep - I feel as if there's too much to do.