Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.

I'll start drinking tea over coffee when the big hand is on Never and the little hand is on Ain't Gonna Happen.

I've always wondered if there was a Hezbollah version of minesweeper where you get points for blowing up on your first move.

There are three stages to a man's life. 1. He laughs at Clark Griswold. 2. He sympathizes deeply with Clark Griswold. 3. He laughs at Clark Griswold.

When liberal celebs stammer out a litany of shopworn bleats about the administration's attempt to turn America into a theocratic prison state, people can't help but notice that these buskers and mummers seem unmoved by the horrors of actual prison states. (Saddam commissioned a copy of the Quran written in his own blood - but John Ashcroft is the real religious nut, don't you know.)

And I don't want posture lessons from a country that spent the last 20 years flopping on its back and grabbing its ankles when Saddam showed up waving stacks of Francs in exchange for bang-sticks.

The same people who accuse America of coddling dictators are sputtering with bilious fury because we actually deposed one.