I'm bad on Valentine's Day, but even worse on Christmas. I go shopping at nine o'clock on December 24th every year. Nobody else is there. I'm in Toys'R'Us all by myself. I get there five minutes before closing.

(I get to) kill all the white people... How great is that?

I live young and I keep the weight off of me.

Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was telling jokes for a living.

I'm a real person, and I'm angry. I'm trying to use this celebrity thing to get people some help. AIDS, poverty, racism - I want to be one of the hands that helps stop all that. I'll put it on my shoulders. I'll charge it to my account.

And perfect happiness? Man, that's a...the pool is about 92 degrees, the Jacuzzi is about 102 and an avocado farm.

In black comedic culture, there's always been a thing about "Man, I ain't gotta wear a dress to be funny!" But I've done it.