I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acceptable form of narcissus.

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher.

It took me ten years and seven books to bag an agent - it took me that long to start writing good.

Death and the end of one's life are two very different things indeed.

I suggest we depict penguins as callous and unfeeling creatures who insist on bringing up their children in what is little more than a large chest freezer.

If you even think about asking Harry Potter for an autograph, your day ends right now.

I also read about Heathcliff's unexpected three-year career in Hollywood under the name Buck Stallion and his eventual return to the pages of Wuthering Heights.