Will I ever get control of my life? Will I always be shoved back and pushed around by those I trust?

I can't. You can't rewrite the past.

How many times had I let myself connect with someone only to have it thrown back in my face?

You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything. . . affects everything.

I tried getting my dad to buy me a beeper for my birthday,” he says, “but he thinks only doctors and drug dealers need them.

And at some point, the struggle becomes too much-too tiring-and you consider letting go. Allowing tragedy... or whatever... to happen.

I sat. And I thought. And the more I thought, connecting the events in my life, the more my heart collapsed.