I wanted people to trust me, despite anything they'd heard. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors. To see beyond the relationships I once had, or maybe still had but that they didn't agree with.
Jay AsherLike driving along a bumpy road and losing control of the steering wheel, tossing youโjust a tadโoff the road. The wheels kick up some dirt, but you're able to pull it back. Yet no matter how hard you try to drive straight, something keeps jerking you to the side. You have so little control over anything anymore. And at some point, the struggle becomes too muchโtoo tiringโand you consider letting go. Allowing tragedy... or whatever... to happen.
Jay AsherYou don't need to watch out for me, Clay." But I did, Hannah. And I wanted to. I could have helped you. But when I tried, you pushed me away. I can almost hear Hannah's voice speaking my nest thought for me. "Then why didn't you try harder?
Jay AsherIโm going to be mentally ill in fifteen years, and thatโs why my husband doesnโt want to be around me.
Jay AsherBecause no, I didnโt push her away. I didnโt add to her pain or do anything to hurt her. Instead, I left her alone in that room. The only person who mightโve been able to reach out and save her from herself. To pull her back from wherever she was heading. I did what she asked and I left. When I should have stayed.
Jay Asher