You can't go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have is...now.

But I need to wake up somehow. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s best to get through the day half-asleep. Maybe that’s the only way to get through today.

That's why you did it. You wanted your world to collapse around you. You wanted everything to get as dark as possible.

Like driving along a bumpy road and losing control of the steering wheel, tossing you—just a tad—off the road. The wheels kick up some dirt, but you're able to pull it back. Yet no matter how hard you try to drive straight, something keeps jerking you to the side. You have so little control over anything anymore. And at some point, the struggle becomes too much—too tiring—and you consider letting go. Allowing tragedy... or whatever... to happen.

We both laugh. And it feels good. A release. Like laughing at a funeral. Maybe inappropriate, but definitely needed.

It's nothing. A school project. My go-to answer for anything. Staying out late? School project. Need extra money? School project.

We didn't get that chance because I was afraid. Afraid I had no chance with you.