We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we're the only place that has lower numbers than he does.

Ambition beats genius 99% of the time

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

If we go down in flames, we will be laughing on the way down, believe me.

And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most campaign speeches given in one day. He gave 21 speeches in one day. Of course, we have to take his word for it, because of course, there are no witnesses.

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.

These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American. That's how bad it's gotten.