The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him.

How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are more worried about it starting back up?

Having a life is easy. Having a career is hard to come by.

I'm a staunch Independant. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy, and every time I think I am a Democrat, they go and do someting stupid.

How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas.

U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They should transfer bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits, screw up his statement and nickel and dime him to death with service charges.